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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Ready For My Closeup...Well almost.

Tap, tap.... is this thing on?..... Testing....Hello out there!
I cannot help but get the image of myself standing on a spotlit stage staring out into the darkness. It's the middle of Somewhereville. A mostly empty high school auditorium. A few chuckles and a hacking cough in the back row. I'm nervous and kind of excited too. Or, the scene of  a lifeless bar on a  wed night open mike.  My eyes squinting, my nose wrinkling as the accusing brightness of the spot light threatens to divulge my secrets.  
This is what blogging feels like to me at he moment. And I am ready for my closeup...well almost. 

The entire world of blogging is new to me as I write this first post.  I suck at typing and I don't have my glasses on because I keep forgetting I need them.  I reach up to see if they are perched on top of my head and as I do this I feel a whispering breeze of "old" rush over me. I shake of the chill and tell myself my eyes could use a bit of exercise because clearly my ass does not want it at the moment, as I sit here and write.  

Just be yourself, put YOU into your blog, authenticity is what they want, your readers..... huh..people are going to read this stuff?  To be determined.

 I like to do my research before I step out into a new venture.  Yes, I have just finished reading the latest articles on how to blog successfully.  Articles like:  How To Make Money With Your Blog, How To Win Friends, Influence People, Sell Your Stuff, Sell Other Peoples Stuff, Teach Stuff, Inspire People, Teach People To Inspire People, Inspire People To Teach People, Get Book Deals, Movie Deals, Pay Off Your Mortgagee in 5 Years Writing 30 Min A Day, End World Hunger and Start World Peace With Your Blog...........seriously?  Don't get me wrong I want all of that for myself and the world.  But this is not why I am writing today.  I am writing today because this is what is bringing me joy.. today..now...for the moment.  

A few years ago I decided to give up on my dream to save the world.  This happened quietly one  October morning on my drive to work.  I was at that place with my own self growth where I had hit a wall.  Why did I continue to make the same neurotic decisions over and over again?  I knew better intellectually.  Eat less, exercise more lose those 10 pound of baby weight.  Had the answers to all of my friends problems, griefs and mishaps.  Could see right thru my family of origins dysfunction. Continually reminded my husband about all of the things he needed to work on. But I was still  stuck in the same place.  And I found myself searching so hard to find my mission, my calling,  knowing deep inside I came here with a mission( not just a purpose, oh everyone has one of those) but a mission....  think Spiritual Special Forces. I am a helper, a peacemaker, a changemaker.  I thought that one day if I could just find the right cause and get my shit together I could help save the world make a contribution to world peace, end war, invent something totally amazing..  Yes little 'ol (I did not say old) me.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Duh, how did I expect to change the world if I couldn't even change myself?  I got it.  Right there on that green country road, the one that I had traveled so often that it's 8 mile stretch seemed like 3 to me. Did you ever notice how the road we know seems so much shorter? When new friends would visit I would always hear  "you live out in Knowhweresville." That is until they traveled the road enough times to come to know it too, it's twists and turns it's hills and valleys.. It is always the unknown that feels longer, darker, scarier, never ending.    

So this is where find myself today. On the corner of  Knowheresville and Somwheresville talking to you.  Walking into an unknown new world.  Working on changing myself into the me I know I am supposed to be.  In doing so, knowing I hold the key to my only chance to really help the world. Carving out precious moments to spend my time doing what brings me joy trusting that thru this expression my mission revealsl itself.  This is the only way I know how to be true to myself and those around me.  One post, one painting one hug and one dance at a time. Stay tuned, it should be fun and a little scary................tap,tap....is this thing on???

1 comment:

  1. Yes Andrea, this thing is on and I am laughing hysterically!!!!
    You have such a way with words, and I just had to take the glasses from my head and I will always think of what you said!!
    Keep writing, you have a gift!!
    Helena aka fellow flyer
    Beaufort, SC by way of Hamburg, NY :)